Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I want to ask for you prayers now for me and my family. Most especially my sweet little Grandson Nathan. He was 2 last August and is now facing one of the toughest uphill climbs he will ever have to face. He has been diagnosed with Rhabdomysarcoma. This is a childhood cancer that not only grows very quickly but if treatment starts quickly a good prognosis and outcome. The tumor is resting on his bladder and is already 10cm in size.
My mother is frail and dealing with end of life issues and intractable pain. She is now in a skilled nursing facility where they can manage her pain more effectively and provide the intense care she needs. She is having a hard time and does not like the changes that have had to come about.
I understand now why God said to me "GO HOME". I had wondered why he impressed so strongly on me to pack up and leave Uganda and now it is clear to me why. My family needs me and I need them. I don't know what we will be facing over the next weeks and months but I know that God will not allow us to walk these troubled waters alone.
He is sovereign and will watch over His own. I am sure he has it all in control. I just have to remember to leave it alone and in His hands and trust that He knows what He is doing.
Thank you for your continued prayers!!!!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
This evening my daughter called telling me my brother wanted to talk to me and I needed to stop what I was doing and call him, they said it couldn't wait. He could not reach me.
Not wanting to come right out and say so over her uncle she relented and didn't say much.
I called my brother to find out that my dear precious mother (who has been very sick, frail and declining rapidly) was rushed back to the hospital today only one day after being brought home from there.
She is in intractable pain and they cannot get it managed for her without affecting her respiratory drive which is already seriously compromised. She is in agony with pain and they have not been able to find the source or fix it. It has made her weakened to the point that she is tired of fighting the pain and the family thinks the only reason she is holding on to it is to see me arrive back home next week.
No more it seems can be done for her except comfort measures and those measures could make her stop breathing.
I have agonized and agonized over this and worry would I even have a chance to get home to see her one last time before she leaves at another additional cost needed to raise more to fly out 2 days early maximum.
If I don't or do move ahead and she stabilizes and does well enough to be moved to rehab/ nursing care or onward to glory. I will at least not have recriminations, or regrets that would be present if i do wait. I can never look back on this and say I should have moved forward, and it I don't make it, i will be with all my grieving family working together at healing that much sooner.
I have decided to move ahead with booking a earlier flight two days early for $458 and let God work out the detail of the cost. He is in control and weather or not she is still there when I get there or not doesn't matter to me, I made the right decisions.
It is with painful, tearful, and yet joyful peace is overflowing at me as I wind down and set aside some last minute times with friends and loved ones here and leave abruptly. Forgive me if i do not see you before leaving dear precious Jinja peoples. May you always feel blessed from every thing you do and have no regrets that God is in control watching over you. I know he will care for me as I travel sooner in a heightened state of anxiety praying all the way and for my dear mother to at last have the freedom from pain and sickness she is so ready for.
As hard as it was to do it, tonight i lovingly told her it was OK to let go of it and not wait for me. I hated saying those words but to keep them to myself is so selfish.
I leave behind a life of service and surrender and to allow the Holy Spirit's guiding. I can do no better going back. Thank you Spirit of the Living God.
Pray for my dear mother as she languishes there in the hospital and for me to have a peace that passes all understanding. during the pushed up travel date.
I pray that since it is nearly 3 am I am not rambling and not making sense. I just ask for your prayer to get me home...
In Christ;s name
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Joyful, Sad, Tearful, Smiles, overwhelmed, elated,...the adjective list could go on and on. Today, as I walked through the place I have called home for the last time, there was not a trace of anything that made it a home for me. All the rooms empty and clean, and yet, as the landlord and I went room by room to close out my life in this dwelling, the memories flood my thoughts and while I am relieved to be finished with the moving and the sorting (well mostly) I am sad that it has ended.
Aaron the landlord praises me for taking such good care of his house, but you know, I made it a home. It served as sanctuary for me over here. When I needed an escape or a place of quiet rest, I came here.
It is nothing fancy or expansive, and yet, I have loved calling this place home. Despite having a 8' fence and hedge full of thorns, with a large gate locked up from the outside world. For the most part, I knew I could come here and rest and feel safe.
The work, here will go on, with or without me. As excited as I am to move on to whatever God has for me and to spend some quality time with my loved ones, I am overwhelmed with bittersweet memories and feelings that say..."Oh I shall miss this place, this home, the work I do, the friends and flatmates I have known here.
Though, I still have two more weeks to spend with them, I drove out of the gated compound of my Uganda home for the very last time with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face....
Thank you Aaron Kabarizi for allowing me to call Plot 41 Kisinja road in Jinja, Uganda home. I have loved every minute I have spent in my small, comfortable and clean home.
I will always remember my Ugandan home!!!